and wtf me, trying to be cute. I looked so damn different. So not cool. I'm trying to keep my hair long. But I'm so tempted to cut it because of my sister's wedding.

broken.

cried the whole fucking night.

i am happy that yumin was around.

i have been neglecting my friends.

partly because i myself, having conflict again. i;m not contented.

emotional break down again and again.

this shouldn;t be happening.

it;s raining . and i'm going out.

hopefully being under the rain wil make me feel much better.

I wouldn't have end up in such state if i don't have so much to type.
This place, my blog, will still be my place to rant, to express what and how i am feeling.
I have been really busy lately.
And deactivating my facebook account is a wise decision.
Just couldn't bear looking at those pictures anymore.
Sigh.
I've said enough over mails that i sent to her.
And for once i shall say this, move on which you already did. You have my blessings.

Grab every single opportunity you have in your life. Cherish and realize some of the things in life are really important.
And this time round. I'm affected. Great impact on me. But then again, I learnt something.
Not just something but alot.
This event somehow made me think so much, and realize things that i don't in the midst of anger.
I was angry of course for all the things that you said. and then you came and tell me you said those because you were angry. If only you could turn back time.

those words cuts. i bled. and I'm all dried up. nothing left.
so i have to tell myself that i gotta stand up on my own.

i have to bear the consequences. not you.
talking to your friends made me understand so much more. much more. and I'm glad that i still have them.
never ever neglect them , i say this to you if you are reading this.
they promise that they will still be around for me. and i will keep the same promise.

well, financial a lil tight. but i still could pay back whatever that u want. its not about money issue anymore. its about what you really want.

someone told me before, things that is in your mind when you are angry,are the things that comes truly from your heart and that is what exactly you want.

for instance, the messages that you sent me the other day? and the things that you said at Toca.
i only listen once when i gave you the chance to speak and you did want to make things clear.
i am here, helping you out.

the whole world seems to believe that i did something wrong. and they are happy for you because you found happiness again after a month or so.

life will never be fair, someone gotta take it in. that would be me.
I'm a person who treasure my friends alot. and i don't take them for granted.
irregardless of status , age or wealth. as long as you are sincere.
i think i can see people quite well. so far. my assumptions turned out to be 98% correct.

Oh well, i can't control others behaving another way . just gotta see and make them show their true self.
you called me a liar. yes i am. i admit. who doesn't? everyone does because everyone is selfish.

so. yeah. i will live a new beginning after my birthday.
my new life. and of course to be a better person.
spoke to my mom earlier when i look at her pictures.
be thankful to those who still have their families around them.
cherish and be content.
as for me, I'm a loner. i was forced to. i don't have a choice.
foreign land, foreign friends. I'm just like a parasite in this country.
too late and hard for me to get back to my own ground. its just so different.
and that's it. the further you walk the more you gain, that is experience.
each path that i chose, each step that i make, i gained experience and consequences and ways to handle every different situation.

mom told me, before you deal with others, be it human or things. you gotta first deal with yourself, your own mind. gotta be clear and sane.

i tried. and it works. i guess i don't need anybody at all. i just need my mom because she's the only one who could give me motivation when I'm down. even now when she's in heaven.

yes, its true. you mentioned companionship. maybe you are right. i never loved anyone.
i only truly love my mom.