Almost

Its Monday.

Almost a week since i first got admitted. Just as i thought i could wean off my nebulizer, i get bronchospasms again. 

I am sad of course because medication doesnt seem to help much this time round. I am still wheezing. Like whistling... Sounded pretty funny actually.

It is definitely gonna be a life changing situation. Like i have to change my lifestyles, my diet, get rid of allergens and somehow made me feel as though i am so fragile. 

But i am positive. I am removing all nebulizers as i do not wanna be dependant on it. Despite all the aches and pain im getting from all these i am determine to be discharge tomorrow and hopefully to be back to work by wednesday.  

Missing home

Im missing home and work terribly. I wonder what that little rascal has been doing when i am not at home.😰 I thought i could refrain myself from crying but i just can't. I got so embarrased when the nurses and my bestie saw me crying. But thanks for all the well wishes and for those who pampers me with either gifts , flowers and nourishing food...i really appreciate it alot. Seeing you guys makes me really happy. In fact, i got much better yesterday evening and took abunch of selfie. Little did i know that i am still unstable and Dr has warned me not to take this lightly. I have been getting alot of side effects from my regular steroids that includes bowel problems, weight gain, joint aches and bloated 100% all the time.

I hope i can get better soon. I really really hope and that is all i can do now.

Realizing life when you are ill.

I have been away for while now.. and realizing the importance of it as i'm sitting down on my hospital bed with oxygen and nebulizers every 2 hours and have doctors worrying and checking on me twice a day.

Recent obsession with stories on cancer made realize that one does not realize how important life is until they get really sick. Chronically sick. Having the fear to wake up in the morning knowing that you're never going to get better frightened me. No amount of medicines , doctors , surgeries will help you but just need to take up the courage to accept the fact that you will not get any better. 

Recently an elderly close family member was diagnosed, unfortunately , of pancreas carcinoma, fortunately, early stage and hopefully will recover after a major surgery. But compared to me, i'm so young, i'm only 28 years-old. Well, correction, I'm not saying that i'm diagnose with it but very strong genetics of cancer. Being ill tells a different side of humanity and isn't as glamorous as seen in movies. The worst part being chronically ill isn't just the physical pin but the emotional pain that comes along with it when you realized who really cared and who will go extra mile for you just to make you feel better (at least).

Sometimes you reach a point knowing news that is so sad that cannot hold back your tears when thinking of it. You think you can mask it and escape the emotional torture but it comes in a package. the overwhelming emotional burden makes you feel like holding your head down in the water  slowing drowning and finally pitch dark tunnel is all you can see. Any day anything could go wrong , even having the risk of walking down the street  the possibility of getting runover by a car is unknown. It is difficult not to feel anxious and what lies ahead in the future is still a giant question mark. Most of the time you do not get answers that you want when you are sick, and when you do those are the answers you wish you hadn't heard any way.

There is one thing that i wish for when i'm sick. That is hope. Hope that there will be finally a day i can get better on that silly little scale. Hoping that one day i will get a glimpse of normal life like being fine when i travels and even enjoy adventurous things that i loved. Knowing technically being sick means my genes sucks of God just plain hates me but i definitely not blaming anyone here. But somehow being sick has made me a better person. But i do strongly feel that being that sick person - or rather representing young sick people-  are some of the best person that you'll ever meet. 

Healthy people are great too. But when you are sick you tend to love every good second, every minute way much more and you tend not to fear death because you have stared it straight in the face. The best thing is you understand things that other people might take granted for. 

Being sick allow you to have insight and knowledge about life as it eats away at your on its own , at your own to be exact. You know it is not important to dwell on the little things anymore although it matters because you have more important things to worry about. Being sick is the greatest blessing in disguise. It is so much more than just having an illness. It’s having your entire life be taken out of your control, and fighting to get it back. And that fight will never end. 

Phuket escapade

Landed myself in Phuket again and the best of all.. with my childhood best friends. The clear skies and blue seas, almost like a dream come true that I get to take a break and spend sometimes quality time with my best friends.  We got to stay at The Westin and I would say they definitely maintain their standards being a 5-star hotel , equally good with my previous recent stay over at Cape Panwa but more facilities and perks. We get to drive around in buggy from one place to another because it is just simply too impossible to get places in the resort with walking. We took a really early flight and just in time for lunch when we check in. Car ride was looooooong.. rent a pretty comfortable and spacious van to drive us from the airport to Westin and that took us about an hour or so... besties tried Thai food and i was craving for peet-zah.

By the time we check in and get ourselves settled, it's already time for dinner. We took a ride to Patong Town. Patong is the busiest district in Phuket and it is probably the best place to stay for holidaymakers but we wanted a quieter place instead . those who want to see the colorful lifestyle and feel the heartbeat of Phuket really should consider living in the town itself. We headed over to the night market for some authentic Thai street food. No fancy restaurants but just living the life like the rest of the Thais made it really adventurous this time. We were so in love with the barbeque grilled corn and the coconut milk shake is something that i would die for. It is definitely fattening but ALL THAIs LOOKED THIN AND SLIM. We had all the spicy stuffs regretted a little and when we had our toilet runs cause it burns..

We had foot massages after shopping around the district and bought some tanks for my Mister. I was really full as I do not usually eat that much. We needed massages badly and i would say this masseuse  is really good. I returned the next day and we somehow made a new friend. She , Miss Noy , was telling me about life, hardship, plastic surgeries, business and some private stuffs. Don't ask me why she felt so comfortable talking to me.  We hung out till wee hours and have lots to catch up with. It made me realized somehow we have all have alot in common, in terms of independence, work and people that we've encountered. I'm thankful to have a bunch of best friends like them. 

I'll let the pictures do the talking for now. Will certainly update my blog constantly!

Buggy Ride!

Patong night market!

Bangla boxing, and our private driver

Duck noodle soup!

They told me i looked like a ragged doll 

I'm kinda flying like a bird. 

some jetski fun is a must!

selfies and wefies!

SEAFOOOOOOOOD!

Best friends forever.